Gosh, I should be sound asleep, but I am not. My head and heart is filled with so much emotion. I have spent the last month visiting as many people as I could that I love. I hope I was able to connect and express enough how much each of you mean to me. It has taken me years to get to this door, 9 years to be exact. It was an infinite dream to be here. Could I ever, would I ever? I have realized through the years that I have spent most of my life pushing myself into the unknown because it feels familiar in a weird way. Although I have gained incredible self strength through each and every adventure, I am hoping that I find peace on these roads and that I will finally believe in who I am and who I have become. I must admit that it's ironic that I am racing with Dark Horse -LBS -local bike shop across my chest, and even more ironic that I just mailed home my Dark Horse Jersey from Banff with all my extra gear. Hmmm.
I promised myself that when I return from this journey, that I wouldn't place myself in situations where I am an underdog. I will be confident and apply myself in my strengths and stop trying to deveIope my weaknesses to prove something to myself which has exhausted me over the past year. I admit that I will not be the fastest or the strongest , but I won't quit on myself no matter what. Thank you for that strength mom ! For my family, thank you for all of your love and support, hours of discussions, and tears I have shared over the years. Thank you Dean for my blog , a pick up from Trenton NJ when I was told I don't belong there, the exhausting Garmin setup, hours of coaching me to safety when I was lost during my final training days. To Jenny, thank you from the bottom of my heart for supporting me and being apart of my life and being here for the Grand Depart. Tracy, well after 20+ years of friendship, we have yet to race together Again. Maybe our destiny is to just keep pushing one another to the start line! Thank you for doing the Tour in 2012 without me, because maybe I would have left this dream on the table. Yes, I can finally say that. To Adam, my wonderful husband. Thank you so much for providing this opportunity and trusting in my personal journey. I may be starting this race as Jen Marsh, but I will finish it Mrs Jen Siruchek.
So without further ado....(Go Army Beat Navy! ) I love you all mentioned and all those unmentioned but without a doubt , know who you are. Please be with me in spirit. I am leaving all emotions on the table because I will be digging deep and won't have time to spend crying in the mud, sleet, rain, or whatever TDR 2015 thinks she will throw at me. Please if you can support Contact We Care where my brother Dean Volunteers 50 hrs a month , please do. For all those that financially can't at this time, pick a dream or goal to achieve. It's amazing how uplifting and rewarding it feels within.
I must sleep ....I have work to do in the morning. I love you. Jen
My Dearest Jen,
ReplyDeleteI don't know if you're still awake, but in my heart and mind you are very much alive and busy, making me think about you, missing you, and loving you ever so much.
You are about to begin one of your toughest challenges ever, and that's saying a lot. There will be rain, and snow, and mud. There will be grizzlies and mountain lions, and sketchy people, hopefully none of which you'll ever see.
But there will be even more beautiful sunrises and sunsets, night skies with stars like a blanket over you. There will be wildlife and trail angels, incredible views and comfy beds with hot showers. And packages filled with goodies along the way.
Through all of it, the good and not so good, I will be here holding you close. I will be thinking of you always, following you on your blog and tracker, and lifting you above everything in prayer. I was given an amazing gift 6 years ago when we met and have been happy and grateful since. We have so much to look forward to that even though we are not sharing this adventure physically, we are in our hearts and minds. Seven thousand miles distance from South Korea to the US is but a mere whisper.
When you get nervous or scared, along with your guardian angel watching over you, think about me holding you close and keeping you safe. I will have my arms wrapped around you to comfort you.
You have amazing strength. Strength of character and spirit, strength of body and mind. Leave everything on the trail, never give up and know that as you get close to Antelope Wells, I would love nothing more than to greet you on that last leg and finish with you.
I will try and be patient, knowing that we won't be able to communicate regularly and will wait until the times we get to talk.
I love you, Jen Siruchek, and will be excited to see you again at the end of this very long trail.
I love you always,
Adam